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50 year old new student challenge

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 5:15 am
by coro
Hello All,
I am desperately seeking advice about a situation that has become very difficult for me. I started massage school 4 weeeks ago and I am one of 3 students, the other 2 in 21 & 23. The teaacher is 21 also! She has been a cmt for 2 years but this is her first time teaching. Long story short the 21 yo guy has an attitude toward me ever since I quit driving himm back and forth to school. I was doing him a favor but he was rude and it was out of my way so I stopped, no thanks, no couple bucks for gas, nothing and it became a negative. Ever since then he has humiliated me on the table and has bonded with the girl 23 year old and the 21 yo teacher and I have been odd person out which is extremely difficult in a situation like this. The teacher is blaming it on my attitude and sides with the young ones. I feel my dream career change at 50 is slipping away and I am getting depressed. If I leave I lose over $2000 and have nothing to show for it, if I stay something needs to change and I don't know what else to do. I try to be positive and get included because they won't include me, but that wears on you after a few weeks. Nobody treats me like a human, they don't ask how I'm doing, or how was my weekend on and on. Any advice appreciated. Also, any advice on finding a mentor?

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 5:51 am
by maestra
I can hardly imagine a MT school in Milwaukee having classes that small, yikes, times must really be tough for that school! And I can't wrap my mind around a school hiring a 21 year old MT instructor either.

I can certainly understand your not wanting to carpool with someone who is not appreciative of your time or efforts on their behalf.

That he shames you when you are on the table is NOT appropriate and it is obvious that the class needs to learn about Boundaries STAT!

If approaching the instructor about the problems in the classroom personally has done no good, you will need to speak to the administration of the school.

You are a customer, purchasing a quality MT education... if they can't fulfill that they may need to place you in a different class.

Look at it this way, if you don't have a good experience in MT school... how likely are you to do well at this as a career? How likely are you to refer any potential new students to Your MT school? How likely are you to refer other MTs to this school for their Continuing Education needs?

I use this all the time and it usually pays off, it's a quote from Michael Le Bouef's book, "How to Win Customers and keep them for life."

"The average dissatisfied customer tells 26 people." That's when I tell them I am WAY above average.

BWOL has a membership of over 3800 people, while not all of them live in WI, we have quite a few members in Wisconsin, particularly in the Madison and Milwaukee areas. And some of them may be graduates of your school...

Anyway, please keep us informed about how things work out for you.
:smt056

And above all, welcome to BWOL!

Unacceptable..

Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 5:06 pm
by Lite Touch
I am 59 years old and just graduated school here in SC. My class had 22 students in the beginning (at least my half of the class). Sure there were some young folks who sort of cliqued together and thought they would just work on one another.

The Director of the program and my instructor would have none of that. They rotated partners and soon everyone was asking to be my partner and I developed some wonderful friendships with these kids. I became like their dad/gramps.

Your school needs to take care of you or they could be liable for age discrimination. Talk to someone - don't leave the profession, especially if you love it as much as I do.

Don't take it personally either. Find out if your school is accredited. If so, ask the office for their address if you do not get a resolution to your problem. They will respond to the agency for sure.

Just my two cents worth.

Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 5:44 pm
by riversinger
Ah the young & ungrateful youth of the world ! Not all of them are like that, but many do have an attitude of the world owes them everything. It's not till they get older that they begin to appreciate & respect other people as they should.

That said, it's not easy when you have a dream, and you run into walls in the process. I'm alot closer to your age than their's and understand your perspective. I'm also surprised that they would hire such a young instructor, who should not be taking sides, or getting chummy with similiar age students. The instructor should have a more professional approach in the position they're in, and simply use this an opportunity to state that as MT's they will be dealing with people of all ages. Therefore this is an ideal situation for them to begin to recognize that people also come from many different places in their experiences, financial backgrounds, etc. and they should begin to appreciate it, learn compassion & respect for those who've been on the planet longer than they have !

And I strongly second the advice to see the school administration, before you make the decision to leave the program & lose your investment (in both time & money) plus your dream !

Good luck.

Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 8:37 pm
by JasonE
Bring the issue to the school administration. No student should be subjected to the type of treatment you are receiving from the other students, and most especially not from the instructor! :evil:

Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 11:27 pm
by Savannah Bloom
I have a friend that began her training in a school that was newly formed. The owner was someone I knew. She was actually very technically accomplished, but her school was poorly run and made for a very chaotic learning experience.

I don't recall exactly how it transpired, but in her case people complained, the owner couldn't or wouldn't respond to their requests, they complained to the state board, and ended up getting some? all? tuition refunds. She switched mid-term to the same school I had gone to. It was in a much less convenient location, but had a long standing reputation, and she was able to get on with her training. She's been in practice for many years now.

Don't know if this will be a useful tidbit or not, but there you have it. Your situation sounds deplorable, and I can't imagine getting a quality education under those circumstances.

I was "old" when I went to school, and I was in my late 30's. Now I'm passed the half century mark myself! I hope you don't allow this to derail your dream. There's certainly a workable solution in there somewhere..............we're pulling for you!
savannah

update

Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 6:55 pm
by coro
Thanks all for the feedback. I have made efforts to talk to someone and what the school does is tell me they will get back to me 'next week' and they never do. In the mean time they hired an older gal, late 30's maybe? and she is better, but the 21 year old is still there most of the time.
I have been studying hard and still not passing the tests, and am so frustrated I could, and did, cry! The young ones get done first and there I sit while everyone is waiting for me to finish, the one guy leaves, comes back, starts talking, I question my answers, change them, they are wrong, right the first time...I am miserable. I am coming from a very diferent world, ironwork, and that was easier than dealing with so many levels of frustration at once. All the anatomy, flunked muscles, pathology, physiology everyone knows how hard it can be. I think I know the answers yet can not trasfer the knowledge to a test.
these kids drink the night before tests and before clinic! still pass the tests. yikes, who would want a hung over kid who has not even changed his clothes from the day before.
I keep being told to 'relax, breathe, don't freak out'. That makes me more stressed because that magnifies my state of mind. I wish I knew what to do to make this a positive experience.

I can certainly relate

Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 7:40 am
by NewHorizon
Oh dear- what a situation. :(

Can you give the school a deadline to give you some answers, then follow them up by contacting them immediately on that date? Make it a point of customer satisfaction like the others have mentioned.

On a personal note-I know it's hard with your other issues- I'm twice the age of most the kids and although I'm lucky that there are a few others my age (the class I'm in is considerably bigger- 90 or so..)- I too sometimes envy their youthfulness- but I try to keep in mind that I was quite similar at that age. But don't let it distract you from YOUR goals, and don't get drawn in to their adolescent dramas. ( I'm formerly guilty of that too ..)

Don't forget to take some time out for yourself.

oh & is it possible to write the test in a room alone? Our school allows it.
If not don't forget that that test time belongs to you, again don't get distracted by the others.

ps- do you also have the option to go "part time?" I did and found it very helpful.

50 thing

Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 12:12 pm
by coro
I was asked about going into another room next time by another teacher and I will do that next time. You response is wonderful, too. People are great here, I heart you all!

The advice is well taken, and yes, there is the young drame, things I can hardly believe, but they don't get it yet. I was a party person also at that age, but was an art major, I could not even imagine working on clients hung over!

I will embrace your wisdom along with the other replies I get.

Thanks goodness I took the time to sit down and post.

Whew!

Re: 50 thing

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 6:57 am
by NewHorizon
coro wrote:I was asked about going into another room next time by another teacher and I will do that next time. You response is wonderful, too. People are great here, I heart you all!

The advice is well taken, and yes, there is the young drame, things I can hardly believe, but they don't get it yet. I was a party person also at that age, but was an art major, I could not even imagine working on clients hung over!

I will embrace your wisdom along with the other replies I get.

Thanks goodness I took the time to sit down and post.

Whew!
From one art major to another-Your very welcome-!

Re: "they don't get it yet"

Again- with their age in mind, try to find it in your heart to allow them to be young and make their own mistakes- and don't hold it against them. Otherwise *you will* be regarded as an " ol' crotchety person! "
( remember when older people did that *to you* when you were young? ;) )

A key characteristic that will really help you in this biz is to always remain non-judgemental.

let us know how it goes!
:lol:

Re:

Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2013 1:48 pm
by pueppi
JasonE wrote:Bring the issue to the school administration. No student should be subjected to the type of treatment you are receiving from the other students, and most especially not from the instructor!
I was recently at a massage school I had never been to before, as a course I was taking was held at their facility.

I ran across this form and thought it would be of use to others who may need a way to inform a school administration of boundary issues. I also think it could be re-worked to be useful in a number of massage therapy environments.

CONCERN FORM

You can use this form to let us know if you have a concern regarding a boundary that has not been fully honored. Please be clear that we are defining "boundaries" broadly to include many cenceivable behaviors, for example, honoring time boundaries, physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, etc.

Please check one:

____ You feel that the behavior of another student was not fully sensitive to your boundaries (or those of another student, intern client, faculty or staff).
____ You feel that the behavior of an intern client was not fully sensitive to your boundaries (or those of another student, intern client, faculty or staff).
____ You feel that the behavior of a faculty or staff member was not fully sensitive to your boundaries (or those of another student, intern client, faculty or staff).
____ Any other issue about which you have a serious concern.

Do you think this warrants further action or just want us to be informed?

Please Circle one: Further Action Wanted / For Your Information

Write down your concern in detail using additional paper if necessary. Sign your name and date the form if you want a direct response. If you have requested further action, someone from the administration will contact you soon about your complaint.

If you prefer to document you concern anonymously, please feel free to do so.

Name of Concerned Party:____________________________ Date:
Name of Person(s) involved: _________________________ (if applicable)

Please write down the nature of your concern. Hand in your completed form to the "Administration" slot of this assignment box. Hand this form into the Administration slot of the assignment box.

On the backside of this form was a "Suggestion Form".
Please use this side of the form to write any suggestions or inspirational ideas about how we can improve anything regarding the school. (Use the opposite side if you have a specific concern you want to notify us about.)