Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

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Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby ladyships on Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:57 am

Okay, so, I've been lucky---been practising massage therapy full time for over a year now, & only just recently I had my first potentially inappropriate client. Now I'm feeling all creeped out & I need some more seasoned LMTs to give me some perspective so I can figure out how best to respond if this client tries to book another massage with me. Here're the details:

Red flags that came up:

- left a message after dark on Thursday hoping to schedule in the next few days, mentioning something about my photograph on my website (he has a REALLY thick accent, so I have some trouble making sense of what he says sometimes). turned out he was saying something about how nice my aura is in that photograph? (...what?)
- says he prefers longer (2-4 hr) massages, & that money is not an issue
- has no medical issues, pain, or tension. says he "just appreciates the value of massage and touch in relaxation"
- mentioned twice that he always showers thoroughly before a massage.
- lives about 60 minutes away but said he's "in the area a lot"

- tried to hug me immediately after meeting me, which is unusual for men.
- complimented me a lot: primarily in terms of intelligence and "energy,"---(which I'm suspicious of because if you spend any amount of time on my website, it's obvious that I value intelligence & consider myself exceptional.)
- says he prefers to have a darker room, in spite of my having shades on my windows
- said that sheets "usually bother & distract him" during a massage, so he'd prefer I drape him using this...hand towel he brought with him. I told him he had to use my top sheet but I could keep his lower legs undraped if he'd prefer. (By the way, my treatment room is pretty chilly at this time of year.)
- complained about MFR being "too slow" & just wanted swedish massage
- (he said he does yoga [& teaches it!] a lot, but his fascia was telling a completely different story, by the way.)
- didn't want work on his back. specifically requested focuswork on abdomen, hips/glutes, thighs, feet, & scalp---in that order of priority. the fact that he primarily wanted work in the regions surrounding the crotch really creeped me out, especially since he reported no pain or tension, he just "loves massage" specifically in that area.
- While I was cross-fibre frictioning the quadriceps tendon, he pointed to his pectineus & said "oh, right there" & I said, "No, I'm not going to do that." & he didn't say or do anything in response.
- The next time he spoke up, he asked me if I was married.
- I'm cool with clients sighing during massages, but this guy moaned and said my name. While I was massaging his belly. That's way over the line, right?
- He said something along the lines of "when one part of the body gets touched, gets massaged...any areas you neglect are sad."
- He asked me what my age was & complimented my clothing.
- At the beginning of the session he talked a lot about how much respects MTs who are licensed & belong to professional organisations & all that jazz. But at the end of his session he talked a bit about how it's important to be fluid in your experiences & not let rules get in the way of understanding valuable things.
- He said he's worked with many many many MTs, but that most of them are lacking a certain something. He considered me to not be lacking whatever-that-something-is. Which doesn't sound that creepy, but somehow it really creeped me out.


Here's what's confusing me a little about this guy, & why I'm second-guessing myself:

He found me on the AMTA Find a Therapist directory. (My listing, by the by, describes my work as primarily orthopedic & chronic pain-oriented. I actively dissuade people from booking with me if you just want a relaxation massage.)

He's really into meditation and quantum mechanics and hypnotherapy and all this kinda weird woo-wooy stuff. He's written a book & gave me (along with a copy of the book) a bunch of handouts describing various classes & workshops he teaches. (After the session, he took a few minutes to point out on several of his handouts that the number on the handout was incorrect & that the number he had been contacting me with was his new, current number.) He talked a lot about auras & past lives & all that waaay out there kinda stuff. He was super excited about talking about the mind body connexion. But he wasn't interested in fascia or trigger points, which every other academic client I've had is fascinated by.

I have a history of getting weirded out when people talk a lot about energywork & auras & past lives & hypnosis & whatnot. I'm afraid that I'm getting thrown off by it---either letting him get away with more than I should (because I'm overcompensating for knowing I'm suspicious/prejudiced about new age stuff & folks that're really into it), or that I'm letting him get away with it because he's got this whole metaphysical argument supporting his attempts to transgress my boundaries.

I'm also wondering if there's some cultural barrier. I know Indian culture to be much less touch-deprived than America, culturally. So I'm wondering if I'm overreacting because I'm an American (a New Englander, no less!)...?

How should I be regarding this client? Should I go with my gut & not allow him to book another session—or am I being unfair to him?

(I don't really understand why I'm so shaken up by this. I did a good job of maintaining my boundaries—especially considering this is the first time I've had to actually do that with an actual client (AKA, this ain't roleplaying in yr ethics classroom anymore, Toto)---but I just can't get this creeped out feeling out of my skin. I feel like maybe I should have specifically called him out; like, if I'd done that, I wouldn't feel...violated? I don't know. I'm creeped the hell out, & I just need some other MTs to weigh in on whether I'm overreacting or underreacting or whatever. & any advice on how to approach any further interactions with this client would be appreciated.)
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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby pueppi on Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:01 pm

As a "seasoned" therapist, I'd first like to clear up a few things. I only point it out, because although we all know an 'un-gentlman' is an 'un-gentlman', I really hate to see men labeled with "red flags" for some of the items you listed.

I have male clients who never act unbecoming, who:
  • leave a message after dark
  • prefer longer massages
  • have no medical issues, no pain or tension and appreciate the value of massage and touch in relaxation (It's not many, but I do have a few.)
  • live 60 mins. away and are in my area a lot
  • likely shower a lot. (Most of my clients know, I prefer for them *not* to come into the office sweaty.)

Clients are also going to have preferences of what kind of massage they prefer... so this is not a "red flag" in and of itself either.

Much of dealing with questionable clients will have to do with the whole package, no doubt... but, I just like to encourage people to get away from listing too many "red flags" and get down to the meat of the issue. As in the: "client acted unbecoming", "client talked to me in a way I was uncomfortable with", client did such and such on my table", "client tried to grope him/her self or my person", etc.

If you want to list red flags... the hand towel the client brought with him & a request for most of his work to be performed in the area of his crotch and moaning while repeating your name would be the BIG red flags.

There is *no* second-guessing that.

It doesn't matter how he found you... it doesn't matter that he wrote a book or has hand-outs. It doesn't even matter that he's a little on the "woo-woo" side... (although if you don't like working with those kind of people, you wouldn't want to encourage someone like that to return. I do better with main-streamers, so I have a therapist who is better with "energetic" types and I send them in her direction. That said, I wouldn't send this man you described, in anyone's direction.).

Even if you are prejudicial against new-age types in your practice, you have a right to accept into your office what you are comfortable with. If it throws you off, then you'll be "off" for the next massage. This could affect how you do your business, so it is my opinion that you work with the clientele who will keep you from getting "thrown off".

I live in a very cosmopolitain city, which is also very large. I can drive 5-15 miles from my office and literally be in China-town, the "Hood", the million-dollar-homes area or meander down a road with shops full of sari's in the windows and a Pakistani food store on the corner. We've got people of all cultures in all of these areas, and many cultures cross over, up and down on the scale of things. I mention this to show the variety of what is a hop skip and a jump away from me. And, yes, on occasion people will use their culture to act "dumb", when all the while they know *exactly* what is not acceptable. There are plenty of normal acting Indian men, so if he's not acting normal, don't let him fool you to believing that he doesn't know the difference between right and wrong.

Go with your gut. You'll be glad you did.

I've had a few instances where I didn't go with my gut, and it just turned into a huge stress factor for me. It's just not worth it. My favorite reminder of why I need to "go with my gut"... Need Help with "Dismissal" Letter :smt006
Last edited by pueppi on Tue Feb 05, 2013 2:35 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby j.anderson on Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:12 pm

I, too, am a relatively new massage therapist. So advice from a seasoned therapist might be more what you are looking for---but when I read this, I felt compelled to put in my two cents. I would have felt the same way you were feeling, and I personally feel that I don't do my best work if I am not 100% comfortable with a client. It's my opinion that you should never work on someone who creeps you out, or gives you a bad feeling. It's important to trust your gut!
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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby ladyships on Mon Feb 04, 2013 2:49 pm

Thank you, pueppi---yeah, very few of these things in isolation would have qualified as a red flag to me. (I work with a lot of headache/migraine folks, so the request for a darker room & a longer session seemed quite normal to me in isolation.) It was just the big cluster of them that ended up freaking me out.

I really don't want to be unfair with new male clients, but I'm working by myself in my own office in a city. A good neighborhood, but there are all sorts in this city & I'd rather be paranoid (& perhaps unfair) than get hurt. (If I'm ever working in an environment with other practitioners nearby, I'd be less paranoid.)

I think I'm going to write him an email letting him know that I don't think I'm a good fit for him massage-wise, if he tries to book another appointment. & hope that's the end of that.
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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby jimswife on Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:06 pm

I am a fairly new therapist. This situation would have made me uncomfortable. And I would not have been comfortable just using a towel for draping. To me that is a huge boundary issue. And I would have refused to work w/o the sheet draping. The moaning and saying my name would have made me remove my hands and explain that this is strictly therapeutic massage. Just moaning? then I would at least change what I was doing.

If this were me I would listen to my gut and not work with this client anymore. Why take the chance of something happening? Not worth it. He says he has worked w/ many therapists and will travel a long distance? His behavior alone makes me think that THAT is the reason why? I don't know. I may be jumping to conclusions as well. But, your gut is tellin you something. Listen to it.
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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby moogie on Mon Feb 04, 2013 8:16 pm

I've been doing massage for over 21 yrs now, so I guess I'm well seasoned.

:altwink:

These are the things that would be deal-breakers for me and if I had a client who did these things, they would not be allowed to ever come back and I possibly would have either never started the massage or stopped in the middle.

ladyships wrote:- mentioning something about my photograph on my website (he has a REALLY thick accent, so I have some trouble making sense of what he says sometimes). turned out he was saying something about how nice my aura is in that photograph? (...what?)
- tried to hug me immediately after meeting me, which is unusual for men.
- complimented me a lot: primarily in terms of intelligence and "energy,"---(which I'm suspicious of because if you spend any amount of time on my website, it's obvious that I value intelligence & consider myself exceptional.)
- said that sheets "usually bother & distract him" during a massage, so he'd prefer I drape him using this...hand towel he brought with him. I told him he had to use my top sheet but I could keep his lower legs undraped if he'd prefer. (By the way, my treatment room is pretty chilly at this time of year.)
- didn't want work on his back. specifically requested focuswork on abdomen, hips/glutes, thighs, feet, & scalp---in that order of priority. the fact that he primarily wanted work in the regions surrounding the crotch really creeped me out, especially since he reported no pain or tension, he just "loves massage" specifically in that area.
- While I was cross-fibre frictioning the quadriceps tendon, he pointed to his pectineus & said "oh, right there" & I said, "No, I'm not going to do that." & he didn't say or do anything in response.
- The next time he spoke up, he asked me if I was married.
- I'm cool with clients sighing during massages, but this guy moaned and said my name. While I was massaging his belly. That's way over the line, right?
- He said something along the lines of "when one part of the body gets touched, gets massaged...any areas you neglect are sad."
- He asked me what my age was & complimented my clothing.
- At the beginning of the session he talked a lot about how much respects MTs who are licensed & belong to professional organisations & all that jazz. But at the end of his session he talked a bit about how it's important to be fluid in your experiences & not let rules get in the way of understanding valuable things.
- He said he's worked with many many many MTs, but that most of them are lacking a certain something. He considered me to not be lacking whatever-that-something-is. Which doesn't sound that creepy, but somehow it really creeped me out.


If he calls you again, just tell him that you aren't the right therapist for him and he needs to go elsewhere. Don't let him try to debate you, don't 2nd guess your decision. Just say no.

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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby tranquilspirit2006 on Mon Feb 04, 2013 8:42 pm

Seven years here, fairly seasoned.

I've had a few, very few over the years, who made me uncomfortable. Sometimes it was something they said or did (ironically, those things appear on your list), sometimes it was just...something. I'm totally cool with male clients, I had a new one recently who started to give off vibes because he kept emailing me for appointments but didn't give his name, I said something in the email about 'just so there is no misunderstanding, I perform legitimate massage only, and draping is not optional or open for discussion in my office" and he came back with "I don't know what you mean by that, I'm just looking for a relaxing massage" and I thought 'Yeah, right" but I booked him just in case. Always willing to give the benefit of the doubt.....

And he turned out to be the nicest young guy who was just totally unsure about it since he'd never had a massage before and was a little apprehensive, (kept the underwear on) fell asleep on the table, acted completely appropriately, has another appointment and I have no qualms about working on him again.

HowEVER...if he'd done the things on your list, different story. Especially all that stuff about having to be fluid with rules, mentioning your looks, asking if you're married, and the areas he wanted worked on. If it were me, I just wouldn't rebook him. He may never even call you back, I've found that most of these men, hoping they'll get extras, don't call for another appointment when they realize they're barking up the wrong tree at your place. They tried, they struck out, they'll move on if nothing indicated you were on the same page. Me personally, I wouldn't bother sending a letter after one session telling them you can't work on them, I'd wait and see if he even called for another appointment. And if he does, you'll never have an opening for him and he'll get the hint, or you can tell him then that you don't feel you can work on him for whatever reason.
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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby maestra on Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:36 am

I'll give my 2 cents worth... :2cents:

I started massage therapy school 16 years ago last night...

And I have been through some similar things in that time...


ladyships wrote:- tried to hug me immediately after meeting me, which is unusual for men.


This would have made me a bit suspicious happening before the massage had even started... afterwards not so much as I have had a couple male clients that enjoyed the massage so much that they just felt the need to thank me with a hug.

ladyships wrote:- complimented me a lot:


This might have been something that I would have considered odd, since it seems like he might have been trying to establish a closeness that was not really there, right at the first meeting, to throw you off your "game."

ladyships wrote:- said that sheets "usually bother & distract him" during a massage, so he'd prefer I drape him using this...hand towel he brought with him. I told him he had to use my top sheet but I could keep his lower legs undraped if he'd prefer. (By the way, my treatment room is pretty chilly at this time of year.)


Bringing a hand towel with him? Ok, that sounds a bit practiced to me! I mean bringing your own music or lotion/oil... I'd consider but your own "drape".... uh dude that definitely seems OFF.

ladyships wrote:- complained about MFR being "too slow" & just wanted swedish massage


Well MFR when done right IS Slow... because you're waiting on their fascia to release restrictions... but somehow I don't think he was there for the "education"...

ladyships wrote:- didn't want work on his back. specifically requested focuswork on abdomen, hips/glutes, thighs, feet, & scalp---in that order of priority. the fact that he primarily wanted work in the regions surrounding the crotch really creeped me out, especially since he reported no pain or tension, he just "loves massage" specifically in that area.


No ladyship, I definitely think your "Creep Radar" was working correctly. While a client asking for work in specific areas at the intake does not creep me out... but having them try to "direct" the massage especially to the abdomen, hips/glutes & thighs does. Can a client have legitimate issues in those areas? Sure, but I would question it if they came in claiming they had no pain and just wanted to relax.

ladyships wrote:- While I was cross-fibre frictioning the quadriceps tendon, he pointed to his pectineus & said "oh, right there" & I said, "No, I'm not going to do that." & he didn't say or do anything in response.


I've had a client do similar... I just said "That wasn't the area you indicated on the intake form, and I won't be treating there today." But yeah, that is another "deal breaker" in my book too.

ladyships wrote: The next time he spoke up, he asked me if I was married. He asked me what my age was & complimented my clothing.


When asked by a male I sometimes consider this inappropriate if you were married I mean... it totally depends on the energy/intention of the person saying it though, doesn't it? I mean sometimes you just know it's an innocent question by someone who wants to get to know you a little bit better... so they can trust you... And other times, it's just plain creepy. (I would label your experience in the creepy category.)

ladyships wrote:- I'm cool with clients sighing during massages, but this guy moaned and said my name. While I was massaging his belly. That's way over the line, right?


I am cool with clients sighing during massages too. I had a guy that did that on Saturday during a couples massage, I actually thought it was kind of cute! (It was his first massage and he almost fell asleep.) But sighing AND saying your name while working on his abdomen that would have definitely freaked me out. And you might have seen me scurrying towards the door at that moment!

ladyships wrote:- He said he's worked with many many many MTs, but that most of them are lacking a certain something. He considered me to not be lacking whatever-that-something-is. Which doesn't sound that creepy, but somehow it really creeped me out.


Is this code for you take direction well and he has plans to possibly call you again?

ladyships wrote:Here's what's confusing me a little about this guy, & why I'm second-guessing myself:

He found me on the AMTA Find a Therapist directory. (My listing, by the by, describes my work as primarily orthopedic & chronic pain-oriented. I actively dissuade people from booking with me if you just want a relaxation massage.)


You know, AMTA Find a Therapist directory is open to the public. And quite frankly a creep (perv) is not going let your classifcations as orthopedic or therapeutic work stop him from TRYING to get what he wants. Although if I recall correctly they also have you list how many years you have been in massage... this more likely was the factor that made him choose you. They tend to target "newbies"...

ladyships wrote:I have a history of getting weirded out when people talk a lot about energywork & auras & past lives & hypnosis & whatnot. I'm afraid that I'm getting thrown off by it---either letting him get away with more than I should (because I'm overcompensating for knowing I'm suspicious/prejudiced about new age stuff & folks that're really into it), or that I'm letting him get away with it because he's got this whole metaphysical argument supporting his attempts to transgress my boundaries.


Your Boundaries are your boundaries. If anybody is trying to talk you out of them, or transgress them, they ARE misbehaving and would NOT be welcome back on MY table regardless of gender. If you're not comfortable going there you're not comfortable going there, KWIM?
If you're not into new age, energy work, then tell them at the get go. They're welcome to believe whatever new age stuff they wish but you aren't into that sort of thing. It is sort of like agreeing to disagree. If they want a massage from someone who thinks like they do, they should not be on YOUR table.

ladyships wrote:I'm also wondering if there's some cultural barrier. I know Indian culture to be much less touch-deprived than America, culturally. So I'm wondering if I'm overreacting because I'm an American (a New Englander, no less!)...?


Oddly enough it was a guy from India who was most inappropriate with me... and he did & said many of the same things you listed...
Including turning his hand at a particularly opportune moment and grabbing a particularly soft spot on a woman... Needless to say, due to him, I took that particular move out of my repetoire....

ladyships wrote:How should I be regarding this client? Should I go with my gut & not allow him to book another session—or am I being unfair to him?


Seriously? What does your gut (intuition) say? I think deep inside YOU KNOW what your position should be in this matter.

ladyships wrote:(I don't really understand why I'm so shaken up by this. ---but I just can't get this creeped out feeling out of my skin. I feel like maybe I should have specifically called him out; like, if I'd done that, I wouldn't feel...violated?


Personally I think your reaction is Normal, considering what you went through. These guys practice hard to say and do the right things that are going to get them what they want... they know certain key words to avoid and what to say and do. (Draping: Oh, I'm not shy, I've been in the hospital so many times...) :roll:

The other thing I would probably do, other than not accepting an appointment from this client again... is set up procedures to make you feel more "secure" in your space... and maybe read up on boundaries and or take more ethics course work. We need the CEUs anyway, and it just may make you that much more proficient at handling it the next time.

And thanks for sharing YOUR experience, you never know what other new massage therapist has just gone through something similar... and may find comfort here.

Hope you don't find this inappropriate from a colleague... :smt056

Now, ladyship, forget him, and go get a :massage:
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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby ladyships on Tue Feb 05, 2013 3:32 pm

Thank you (everybody!) for all your input. It's good to know that this isn't in my head.

Until I put up a profile on AMTA's website, I'd never had any trouble with creeps before. (& I've been working on my own since September 2012.) Since I put up that profile last week, I've gotten 6 calls---all from men, all looking for relaxation massage, all looking to book the same day or next day. (&, somewhat inexplicably, all 6 were foreigners with super thick accents. What the hell?) ...so, I removed my photo from my profile & removed the years experience thing. So far, no more calls. So, hopefully that'll resolve it.

The client I described in my original post called a few hours after the massage, & again to-day; didn't leave a message either time. He sent me a text after the last missed phone call to-day asking to rebook (& could he call me right now); I replied, "I've had some time to reflect after your appt yesterday, & I don't think that the type of massage I do is a good fit for you therapeutically. I primarily do orthopedic, chronic pain, & rehabilitative work; I'm not interested in doing the kind of massage you're looking for." ...because I think he's so creepy, I really don't want to refer him elsewhere, even though that's what you're supposed to do when you end a relationship with a client who still wants massages. He hasn't responded yet; hopefully he got the message. Not really sure what else I could say to him, if he tries to respond. (Should I simply not respond to him if he responds?)

I think, just because of this experience, I'm just not going to accept new male clients unless they've been referred to me by another client, or they start off the conversation talking about chronic pain or an injury they're looking to find relief with. Which is unfair to men who honestly just want a relaxation massage, but there are plenty of other MTs in the area who work in offices where it's safer to take a chance on iffy clients because there's always somebody else in the next room or whatever.

(To further complicate the situation, I have Asperger's syndrome & that really handicaps me when it comes to reading between the lines or knowing when something is off, so---I feel like my safety should come first, & if I have particular limitations in insight, I should work on those independently on my own until I feel like I'm proficient enough to be able to use them with real client situations.)

In terms of maintaining boundaries, I think my body language---I'm quiet---made this guy just disregard my words whenever I said something to establish a boundary. I felt like he spent much of the conversation just feeling out exactly where the boundaries were, & then tried to talk about why they should be somewhere else (which he preferred). But always followed it afterward with something like, "But you make the rules....whatever you're comfortable with..." & I'd be like, "Nope. Sticking with my boundary." & he'd drop it for awhile, & then go back to testing the boundary again.

...upon reflection, it all seems somewhat calculated. With my regular clients, when you set a boundary, they're like "Ohh. My bad!" & it's not a problem again. (& they preface any questions that might be getting anywhere near that boundary again with some sort of apologetic remark---they don't act like they're entitled to renegotiations.) But this guy did act entitled, & I was caught off guard because I'd gotten so used to having respectful clients all this time. (& his acting entitled wasn't just verbal; usually, when I walk a new client to my office, they let me take the lead & ask for permission before they sit down in the treatment room; this guy just walked right in & kept interrupting my intake interview with his handouts & book & stuff. & he said "Oh, so official!" when I asked him to sign his health history questionnaire & my policies & procedures agreement.)

It kinda freaks me out that I even let him come into my office; I think, if he hadn't've had such a thick accent, I'd've been able to pick up on it sooner. I was just so focused on simply understanding what the hell he was saying that I wasn't able to be fully present to what dynamic was actually being enacted.
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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby pueppi on Tue Feb 05, 2013 4:05 pm

ladyships wrote:...I replied, "I've had some time to reflect after your appt yesterday, & I don't think that the type of massage I do is a good fit for you therapeutically. I primarily do orthopedic, chronic pain, & rehabilitative work; I'm not interested in doing the kind of massage you're looking for."


Wow. I really like this. I hope I can remember it if I ever have another incident with a client I am not comfortable with. Are you always this good at verbalizing so directly?

BTW, I have really been enjoying this thread and the comments. I love it that I hear something useful in everything everyone has said. Again, just one more reason why I love this forum.

I hope more people will chime in, even *if* someone else said something similar to what you are already thinking!!!
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Re: Am I right to be creeped out by this client?

Postby ladyships on Tue Feb 05, 2013 5:27 pm

pueppi wrote:
ladyships wrote:...I replied, "I've had some time to reflect after your appt yesterday, & I don't think that the type of massage I do is a good fit for you therapeutically. I primarily do orthopedic, chronic pain, & rehabilitative work; I'm not interested in doing the kind of massage you're looking for."


Wow. I really like this. I hope I can remember it if I ever have another incident with a client I am not comfortable with. Are you always this good at verbalizing so directly?


Hee...I guess this is one of the places where it pays off to be an Aspie. I'm always pretty direct & to the point; made some aspects of ethics class a breeze. It's the always wondering whether it's polite for me to be so direct that I get into trouble...I usually air on the side of caution, because I'm always scared that I'll inadvertently offend/insult/upset a client if I don't censor myself carefully.

With this last client, I'm mad at myself for censoring myself as much as I did during his massage. I shouldn't've given him the benefit of the doubt after he pulled out that dingy handtowel, & I should have just ended the massage after the moaning my name incident. (I think if it had happened earlier in the massage, I would have. But he had 5 minutes left & at that point I just wanted him to leave my building without being confrontational. I have some history of sexual abuse & I think my survival instinct just kicked in & said, "Don't upset him. Just get him to leave without getting his hackles up & make sure he never comes near you again.")

I think the fact that I stuffed the sheets he used into a plastic bag (inside another plastic bag, inside another...a veritable matrushka of plastic bags) & am still on the fence about seriously wanting to just burn those sheets is some indication that I'm bringing some of my own emotional stuff to the table in this situation.

(There's a decent chance that I might be the postergirl for supervision.)

By the way? When he first called, he really wanted to book a 2-3 hour long massage. I'm SO thankful I stuck to my rule of nothing longer than 90 minutes for a first time client. Even though I need the money. That's something else I've noticed...it's SO much easier to stick to your rules when you're financially stable. When I first started working as an MT at spas/chiropractors, I let my bosses get away with really mistreating me (like having me work for 6 hours straight, seriously no breaks, at an office on-site event—or not compensate me for no shows, or not compensate me for waiting around between massages when they would book people 3-4 hours apart [esp. when I was getting paid $15/hr for the actual massages, & rarely tipped because they were all groupons], etc etc...& my bosses were not interested in renegotiating their own policies to suit me.)...& I let that happen because I had just moved to a new city & had to pay the rent somehow & work was work, even if it abused my body or time.

(Maybe that's another reason creeps might target newer MTs.)
men have found cells sensitive to light in the hearts of snails.
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ladyships
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"The Ethics of Caring"by Kylea Taylor

Postby holley on Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:57 am

" The Ethics of Caring" provides a new model with some tools for navigating the deep and often confusing relationship between client and caregiver and for preventing the harmful consequences of ethical misconduct.
" Only by understanding their own vulnerabilities and by deeply considering the ways in which these affect their interactions with others, can caregivers hope to enter more fully into truly healing relationships with their clients."
'Every Day is a god, each day a goddess and holiness pours forth in time."
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